From adoption talk to......

YEP, we're miraculously pregnant.

NOTE: I am going to just write this journal-style, so I don't forget everything.  You don't have to read it.

Sometime around early October, I started cramping, assuming my cycle was about to start.  I don't remember when my last one was, but I was pretty sure it was around the beginning of September.  The only reason I remember that is that I knew I would be out of town 2 weeks later, and the thought went through my head...."Darn.  If I actually ovulated like a normal girl this month, I won't even be in the same city as Craig!  Oh well."  Obviously, I never ovulate like a normal girl, and even when I have ovulated, we've never gotten pregnant, so it was a fleeting thought.  However, when I was out of town (visiting my parents in Hereford), I remember a pain on my left side, and I also remember thinking...."Of course, the one time I might actually be ovulating on my own, and Craig and I aren't in the same town."

All that to say, once the cramping started a couple weeks later, I was convinced my next cycle was about to start, but it didn't.  

October 8th- Still no period, still cramping, so I took a test just to see.  Test messed up.  Either too much urine or a broken test, but I didn't get a control line in either window, so I threw the test away.  Eight plus hours later, I happened to look in the trash at the test again (no judging), and there were still no control lines (horizontal lines), but there was a vertical line (which would make a + if there had been a control line).  I called for Craig, both of us knowing that since over 8 hours had passed, the test was null and void, but it sure was nice to see the vertical line I always hoped to see.  Craig convinced me to put it out of my head and maybe test again in a few days if my period still hadn't come.  ok.......

October 12th- Still waiting on something to show up, so I decided to do another test just in case, not at all thinking I would see anything.  I was just more annoyed with my cycles, than anything.  Within 20 seconds, I saw that beautiful +- sign I had always hoped to see!  I started crying and praising Jesus right away.  Of course, I could not risk misreading the test, so I hoped in the car, tears still flowing, drove in the pouring rain to Kroger to get a Digital ( you know, the most expensive test in the store that clearly spells out PREGANT or NOT PREGNANT).  I took that test and right away.....PREGNANT.

On the way to Kroger, I was trying to figure out how I was going to rope Craig into lunch or something so I could tell him.  He just happens to call, stating he left his cell phone at home and asking if I could bring it to him at work.  YES, dear, I'd love to!!!  I immediately dug through my drawers to find the little Tennessee Titans onesie I bought over a year and half ago, dreaming of the day I would get to tell my husband our great news.  I had no idea how long that onesie would stay tucked away, but finally I got to pull it out.  I wrapped up those amazing little tests in the onesie and off we went. 

Telling Craig was awesome!  I video'd the whole thing.  His reaction was priceless!  Later that day, I went to see my RE (because I have no OB).  They did blood work to confirm pregnancy.  Let me tell you, there is nothing like waiting for your doctor to call with results from blood work....No matter what its for!  They said my HCG level was 969, so I was definitely pregnant.

October 14th- Second blood test.  HCG level was 2113.  Yay for doubling numbers!

October 20th-  Had our first sonogram.  Saw the Yolk sac, Fetal pole, and possibly/maybe a slight flicker of a heart beat, but it seemed too early to tell.  We are over the moon, but still nervous but hopeful our baby will keep growing.

October 22nd- At my 10 year college reunion, started experiencing spotting.  FREAKING OUT!  Called and spoke to the doctor on call, who was encouraging that since my cramping nor spotting were not intensifying, it was most likely implantation bleeding.  We spent alot of time praying, having friends pray, having strangers pray, and the spotting stopped.  

October 31st- Second sonogram.  Saw a nice strong heartbeat....151 bpm.   It was even better hearing it though!  Yolk sac much smaller, and starting to see the beginnings of a head and body!  Baby looks great!

Here's that video:

I can't really put into words how surreal this feels.  We feel more than blessed, and I think part of that is knowing that we had so little (ok nothing) to do with making this happen.  Our babies are all miracles, whether through adoption, or IVF or a miraculous surprise!  But yet I think with all the appointments, drugs, doctors that were a part of our Infertility treatment, and with all the paperwork and seminars, etc that were soon to be a part of our adoption journey, we can't help but somehow try to take back some of the control in the experience.  Its nice to once again be reminded that I am not in control, no matter how I plan it out.  Ultimately God's blessings are beautifully orchestrated according to his Sovereign plan, and I just get to sit back in awe of them.   That is the command I have been given, but that is also my naturally humbled and thankful response....to worship!  No matter the outcome, no matter the fears, we are so very thankful for these days we have been given with our little baby.  From his earliest days, I want him to know that every single moment of his life is a display of God's glory, God's provision, and God's love for us!