Monday report

First off, I already feel pregnant.  No, that is not my optimism, that is the fact that my ovaries are ENORMOUS, and they are making standing, sitting, going to the bathroom, etc. into the most tedious and uncomfortable tasks.  Only a few more days.... that's what I keep reminding myself.  The nurse told me today that they are so big, they are almost touching.

We got a good report today.  Still waiting on bloodwork, but it looks like we'll be triggering this evening or tomorrow evening.  (Note: Triggering= another medication causing the brain to tell the follicles to begin releasing the eggs)  Dr. B wants to wait another day if possible to allow my follicles to get just a bit bigger. However, if my Estrogen level is really high, he may decide to go ahead and get things moving, so that my follicles don't start to release the eggs on their own.  If they do, we run the risk of Hyperstimulation.

I've been seeing Dr. B's fellows for my last few appointments, so it was really nice to finally get to talk to him again.  He knows our case.  He knows our ethical beliefs, and so he knew exactly how to answer my questions today.

Craig and I have maintained all along that we feel committed to making sure every one of our embryos have a chance at life.  This has posed a point of worry and fear for me, because of my "overachievement" in the area of egg production.  Add to that the fact that we are doing ICSI (   ).  Due to Craig's male factor infertility issues, all of our doctors have recommended it as our best chance at actually fertilizing the eggs.  ICSI can have a variation of success rates in egg fertilization, the average being 50%+.  Needless to say, we have done the math over and over in our heads, trying to "guesstimate" how many embryos we might end up with, given our large quantity of eggs and the fact that we're doing ICSI.  Frankly, its pointless, because we HAVE NO IDEA!  Things could go either way, because as we all know....ultimately, that is up to our Creator.

Today, I had a chance to talk to Dr. B.  And being the great doctor that he is, he reassured me that we would have several in depth conversations, before and after retrieval, with both he and the embryologist to help advise us on how many eggs we should ICSI.   sigh....relief!  I have to say, this process has been pretty hard on us emotionally and spiritually.  Sometimes I feel like we are fighting medicine, yet trying to work with them at the same time.  They (doctors/scientists) want to give us the best possible results, and I am thankful for that!  We (C & I) want to do all we can to have a baby, but we also want to make each decision with integrity and sticking with what we feel a peace about doing.  I wish that there was a direct answer to these specific questions and decisions spelled out in black & white in the Bible.  But there aren't. Instead, we're pretty much navigating this process based solely on prayer and gut feelings.    I have often felt a bit of conflict between what we feel ok with, and what the medical staff deem as best.  But today, I feel at peace.  I have no idea what decisions lie ahead, and I have no idea how we are going to make them.  But I feel that we've been heard by our Dr., and I believe that God is sticking right with us the whole way.

Psalm 30:19-21a (NIV)
People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more.  How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.  Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more**: with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

(***ESV says: "your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.")